This is a question too many parents are asking these days. And
it seems the age at which this problem manifests itself is
getting younger and younger.
Let's look at some of the apparent reasons for this:
1. Peer pressure. Kids tend to emulate what the "other" kids are
doing so if they observe their friends being disrespectful to
their parents, this makes it easier for them to follow suit.
2. Turbulent school environment. If the scene at school is rough
and kids are learning not-so-wonderful character traits, this of
course rubs off at home.
3. Parents not around. When both parents work or spend too much
time away from home, children find ways to let their parents
know they object to this. Disrespect may certainly be one of
these ways.
Each one of the above most certainly can be factors, but let me
suggest another possibility:
The parent and the child are OUT of communication with each
other.
What does that mean: "out" of communication? It means simply
there may be talking going back and forth, but communicating
isn't really happening. The child has things on his mind that
s/he doesn't want the parents to know or is too embarrassed to
tell them. The parents observe conduct that they consider
non-optimum and instead of sitting down with the child and
discussing this, they get backed off or consider they just don't
have the time to do so.
Then there's the simple every-day communication that can
disappear in a family. There's the question: "How are you
doing?" AND really wanting to know the answer to that question.
Not a fast "how's it going?" with the too-often superficial
response. The child may be struggling to understand something
about life or upset about something that happened with a friend.
The parent who gets in there and finds out these things and is
there to gently help the child resolve these concerns is a
parent who is instilling respect into the relationship. And this
respect goes both ways: from the child to the parent and from
the parent to the child.
A vital ingredient in helping your child grow is communication.
It cannot be brushed off. To the degree that your conversations
with your child are superficial, to that degree your child will
go out of harmony with you. You, the parent, are in control of
how much harmony and respect there is in your home.
Each of the three factors given above (peer pressure, etc.) may
be present in your child's life. But if you and your child are
in superb communication, these factors just do not have the same
impact they would otherwise.
It is never too late to get into better and better communication
with your child. Every step in that direction is a major step in
the right direction.
About the author:
Stan Dubin is author of the book "When the Thrill is Gone, How
to Put the Life and Excitement Back into ANY Relationship." For
additional marriage advice and tools go to:
http://MarriageSuccess.com. To find out the KEY reason
relationships fail and how to remedy that, go to:
http://TheKeyReason.com
